Well, I haven’t blogged in a while, just little (accidental) text snippets here and there. I am a gardener by trade so spring and summer is my busy season.
So an update on how things are going. Things are going well. I feel good, look good, and work has become somewhat stable. Things haven’t been good in the financial department AT ALL. We have been struggling, drowning actually…but luckily my parents helped out. Ugh, I hated asking them especially since I’m in my late 30’s; I should be able to hold my own. Course I have always held my own. When I was young and fancy free I held my own, mainly because my parents had issues with my “hippie” lifestyle of not having a real job and just getting by and living on communes. But that’s a whole other blog.
As you might have noticed, I am trying to let my facial hair grow out. I guess I see it as a rite of passage. Maybe a physical affirmation of who I am, my outside matching my brain. Now, actually the hair on my sideburns is a lot lighter than the picture shows for some reason…but I am damn proud of what’s there.
I struggle with keeping it and feeling good about it and confusing those at work who don’t know about me. I know at some point I’m going to go beyond “a chick with a bit of fuzz” to “full out man” So juggling that has become a bit stressful. I find myself not getting very close to people at work. My hair is blonde so it’s relatively unnoticeable unless you get close or see me in bright lighting. But I want to keep it so bad. And some of you may read this and think why I would put myself through this. Why keep up the charade? Well, I have had my job almost 10 years. And as far as jobs go, it’s a great one in my profession. I am salary, have benefits, and work winters. All three are usually unheard of in the world of landscape. Believe me; I’ve looked around for other employment. Where I could be employed as me, as he, that little gardener dude. But in our area, landscaping/gardening jobs are far and few between anyway especially non-mowing supervisory positions. So needless to say, I’ve put off transitioning at work. I fear that they would find a way to get rid of me. And being closeted and employed is better for me right now than “out” and unemployed. Blah
But I LOVE the facial hair…I feel good about it. I look in the mirror and like what I see, I feel attractive. I mean, I’m vain…but probably not in a healthy way. I’ve always looked at myself and felt that I wasn’t necessarily a dog but something wasn’t quite right….but when I look at the picture below, I feel great about it!
Another reason I’m growing it out is because we are traveling to Wisconsin next week. We are visiting my girl’s family, unfortunately due to her father’s passing this winter. They are having his memorial this time of year because he was a guide fisherman and they are doing a big thing for that. January probably isn’t the best time of year. Anyway, they all see me as me, her boyfriend. And last time I met them I felt that I didn’t “pass” very well. Which didn’t matter but for some reason I need to prove myself as a boy. Which I know is all in my head but this bit of peach fuzz will help I’m sure...or will it? Ha
Maybe we will have time to write on the road. I now have a wee little netbook so I’ll try to document our travels and take some pics for this blog. I know we were starting to get some cobwebs up in here!
Later!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
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