Trans myths and random musings...

Ok, so by the mere definition of 'musing' this blog should be deeply contemplative. Or at least my writing should reflect that. I still am contemplating deeply the things I write, it's just putting the actual words onto the page moment that I'm having trouble with. And this leads me to 'trans myths'. Well, not sure if this is a myth per se but something that some boys have talked about happening to them. Lack of Emotion, or it definitely has decreased within me. I mean, on some level that has been good. I'm not getting road rage as often. I'm not crying at hallmark movies. When my girl is watching them of course! But this has also spilled over into my personal relationships as well. I'm starting to not give a fuck about what people think. My filter is lessening day by day and this is no more apparent that in my relationship. Now with my girl, it's not that I don't care, but it's more like I just don't realize how I say things may be seen as hurtful. Or I'm not thinking about the emotion that my words may instill because I don't or I haven't been feeling them. But i've really been looking at my words and my approach to situation when we have them, so that is good. I'm thinking a bit more before speaking. I'm trying to find them again, I just think my brain works differently now so I need to find those emotions from another area. Truly scientific!
Now on the good side of all this, I was a bit concerned about the whole "roid rage" myth in regards to starting T. And so far it's actually been the opposite for me, I feel more relaxed, controlled. Maybe it's because before, my emotions controlled me so much.
But on the other hand, one thing that has suffered is my writing. I mean, I'm no Steinbeck, Irving, or Shakespeare but I did love to write. I wrote when I was angry, I wrote when I was disgusted, and I wrote when I was sad. But there we go, I was writing during moments of escalated emotion. And apparently, I'm not having those right now. I have so much to say about my transition, this is one reason my girl and I started the blog. To have a written documentation of the process. But I struggle to write about it. I struggle more with explaining things in flowing words and not just short concrete summaries. Oh well, that will just mean you guys get my writings only at random moments...sorry, I know that's not the way to write a good blog. I know I personally lose interest in a blog if the posts are far and few between. Maybe I'll post occasional pictures for you guys just to keep interest.
Ok, back to business....Another myth I've been thinking about, partially thanks to my beautiful girlfriend who just won't drop it! ;) Love ya babe. It is the concept that once a Trans-man starts T, his sexuality will change, i.e. become attracted to other men. Now, I admit, some dudes are good looking, but I think I'm looking at them as though I were them. Like, that guy has a great six pack. In my mind, I would love to have that six pack. Not actually touch his or do any other physical thing with his six pack. Same goes with cock. I don't want that cock to touch me, but I can appreciate a nice one when I see it and wish it were mine! And I occasionally look at gay male porn, but I did that way back before I started T and before I figured out who I was. Gay porn is just more fucking and less storyline. I don't watch porn to see if the pizza guy is actually going to make it into the house to fuck the housewife, I watch it for FUCKING! ha ha TMI???? Anyway, I don't find men sexually attractive. I find fucking like a man sexually arousing. Kind of like watching a cooking show, you're not watching it to oh and ah about the ingredients, you're watching it for the final product! And also, I'll admit this to the freaking net world, I actually find myself "taking notes" Haha One can never study too much can they? So that's what I call it from now on, I'm not masturbating, I'm studying!