Death and Dying...

The Circle of Life. We are born. We grow up. We live life. We die. And if we are lucky, we live life to the fullest and with few regrets. 2 weeks ago tonight, I got the dreaded phone call. It was my dad, crying on the other line. "Erica", he said, "Its not good." I responded, "Its pancreatic cancer isn't it." "Yes", he said.

You are never ready for that phone call. Your life connection, with this person on the other end, flashes before you. You remember the way they held you as a child. The many jokes that were played against one another. And you remember this persons life. Did he do what made him happiest? Yes he did. Did he do the best he could in every situation? Yes, for the most part he did. Are you prepared to say goodbye? No. No I was not ready for this. I called Jack as soon as I got off the phone with my dad. All I could say was how not ready for this I was. When is anyone ready for something like this?

I quickly pulled it together. I had to get there. I had to get to him. I flew out on that Monday. I was met by my little sister and my sister-in-law. We got the phone call to go straight to the hospital. Dad was in route. It was there, in that ER, that I caught my first glimpse of the strong man I had remembered. Strong he was not. He was weak and tired. The doctor told him that if he made it to Wednesday, he would be surprised. Besides the cancer in the pancreas, it had crept into his small bowel and liver. On top of that, there was a blood clot in his lung. There is nothing that can be done. Could this guy not get a break...

We took dad home and started getting his affairs in order. Then came Tuesday night. A night none of us will ever forget. Dad turned his music on and song by song we began to dance and laugh and completely, 100% live in that moment. Memories were made that night! Our cup runneth over...

I flew home last night. I had to tell my father goodbye and get one last kiss and hug in before leaving. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. To kiss someone goodbye that you know you will really never see again is heart wrenching. He told me he was so proud of me and then he whispered something in my ear. I have not spoken these words. I cry as I type them. " Our last chance was our best kid. You will always be my girl. I love you." And with that, I turned and walked out of this childhood home that held so many memories. I left him with a piece of my heart, and took a piece of his with me.

Upon my arrival to our home airport, I came up the escalator and there was the only other boy that has ever held my heart. My Jack. I melted into him for a moment. I needed to just breathe him in. And that is exactly what I did... My dad let me go...And Jack caught me...

Loves to you all....

"Be strong. And when you haven't the strength left, close your eyes and let all this love surround you..." Meet you in my dreams daddy....