My To-Do list

Ok, since starting T, I've been in limbo. Basking in the feelings and surges and physical energy of all things male. Exulting in the step I took to even start hormones. Especially given my abhorrence to needles and doctors. I've felt like I took a huge step and that was good....good enough...maybe? Ha, nope, it's not good enough. One of my biggest faults is sometimes when I succeed a small bit, I am happy with that. I don't tend to go further and bigger. I am just satisfied with being marginal I suppose. But when it come to gender identity one can't really be marginal. Well, at least society doesn't let you. You have to be A or B. Not A.5. So this morning on the way to work I started thinking about what my next step would be. Besides the obvious of telling my parents. I mean a concrete step to make my transition easier. These days I am passing about 75% of the time. And the other 25% is work where I am still a "she" Ugh, add that to the list. Anyway, I've decided the next step needs to be my official name. Legal name. If I change my drivers license and SS card, even if the gender marker isn't correct. And one of my stresses is when I use a credit/debit card. Are people going to question my name vs my face? Will they see a man but read a female? So, in order to reduce some day to day living stress, I think my next step should be legal name change. It's easy, cheap, and would take a huge load off my shoulders. Course first I have to get a certified copy of my Birth certificate from California. Damn that softball tournament! My coach lost my only official copy of my BC.
Ok, so...get new BC, change legal name on SS and DL. Then it's time for surgery...saving for surgery...thinking about surgery....getting the surgery. Man, I am so paranoid about surgery but I want it so bad. I want my chest to look like what it does in my mind. I need to not have to worry if people notice my extra bulk on my chest. And then once that happens, I can change my gender marker on my birth certificate. Luckily I was born in California so even though it's a process and I might have to make a trip out there, it won't be so foreign of a concept there than it would be here in Arkie-ville! (Let's hope)
*And now an update* I was going to put as my next step to come out at work but for f*&%ed up reasons, my job has become a bit unsettled so I am currently seeking other employment. So, I'm not going to come out right now, till it settles down or I find a new job. Crap, just when things were falling into place.....
As my right hand man says...."We are now part of the 'Dark Side', we are stormtroopers!" Ha, I love him and the star wars analogies.....cause I can so relate! I'll try to keep updated better...Later!