Damn, I have to piss again?????

This weekend R and I traveled to the big sexy state of Tejas for a friends wedding reception. And the happy couple know all about my journey so I went as a boi, as me. This is my first time traveling somewhere as myself, J the boi, the little scrapper himself! So yet another quandary presented itself...gas station bathrooms. Wow, who knew taking a piss was so fucking complicated and scary! Who knew that I would hold it till my bladder pulsed with spasming pain! Who knew you could get a bladder infection over the weekend! I sweated it because I couldn't use the women's because I was packing and binding. Which in the past when I've been confronted for using the women's bathrooms, I just flashed my chest and all was good. But I don't want to do that anymore, ugh, I want those gone but that's another post. But walking into the men's restroom seemed so scary. I didn't want to make one wrong move. I know the basics. One of my bestest buds has been talking me through it. And even over the weekend, the groom and the bride's brother were giving me pointers and tips and even some of their fears and hang-ups. Which was totally cute!
Ah, see...I called something cute. I'm going to interject with a funny story from the weekend. I was hanging with the Groom and we were chatting about something and this part is a bit fuzzy, but for some reason I reached out to hug him, and he was a tiny bit awkward but not completely. He then whispered to me that guys don't hug. Hahaha Shit...fuck....wow, the smallest details that I am so oblivious to. He is one of the sweetest dudes I know but also quite manly so I take his advice very serious.
Damn this female socialization. And those of you who know me, know that I'm not really that touchy-feely unless I REALLY know and like you! I just think I'm so caught up in the mechanics of being male that it's creating an uptight mother fucker! I'm stressed more now when I'm in public as a trans-male than I ever was as a freak, dyke, queer, bad ass mother fucking female. Whatever moniker I was feeling at the moment.
But, I know what part of the solution is.....coming out to my family and work. Ugh.....I know that once I do that and my closest allies are in the know and support me, that all else can suck it!!! But, once again that has proven to be one of the hardest things I've ever thought about doing.
Ok, so back to the bathroom issue. I got away with not using a public bathroom on the way down. But on the way home, I couldn't wait. It could have been the 3 sodas I drank at lunch...drinking them because I was sweating using the bathroom at the restaurant. So anyway, I avoided it until I found a tiny raunchy little station somewhere in Oklahoma. As I was headed to the john, this skeezy dude walked in. And the thought of being in the same room with him doing anything not to mention pissing turned my stomach so I lingered much like a nervous pedophile outside the bathrooms, looking at the vast array of crappy sodas this place had to offer. And he came out very quickly, so I took my chance...and Thank the freaking lord, the urinal was broken so I HAD to go to a stall....wow, I couldn't have made it any better. So I take out my STP, focusing on not looking too unnatural in the way I have to hold everything so I don't piss on myself and I did it. I peed in a men's restroom in a shit-hole gas station in Oklahoma. I even dropped a few drops of piss ON THE SEAT!!!!!! Which, I did not clean up cause guys don't do that!!

J