For the love of a boi...

I find myself looking at this boi before me and not wanting to let him out of my sight. It is not for a jealous reason. I just want to bask in everything that is him. When I am next to him, I feel the warmth in my heart. I feel his heart. And most of the time, his heart feels me.

We are advancing on our journey together. J's transition is evermore apparent. Not just in the physical, but also in the mind. He is him. He is the boi that he always knew he was. We are coming to a crossroads now, however. As J has mentioned, his family knows nothing. His brother, who lives with us, knows that J is trans (after his bday party last year, when after a few beers J blurted it out, and then walked away for me to explain.) I thought that I had explained the best I could (pre-transition), but brother had been drinking too, so perhaps that convo never happened.

So what we have now is the present and the future. Bottom line is that, I am the cheerleader and the biggest supporter of J, but its getting time to buck up and tell the fam. The physical changes can no longer be hidden. J will not have chest surgery until the mom knows! (That's my only stipulation on surgery.) Mom can not continue to ask 5 times everytime he and her talk, if he has a cold or what is wrong with his voice. The time has come. Now, if only J was ready!

A few weekends ago, J's mom came up for the weekend. I had the flu, but managed to get out of bed for an hour to have a great convo with the momma! The 3 of us were sitting in the living room, fire going in the fireplace, and momma and I began to talk. We can relate on 2 different levels, we are both moms and we are both nurses. We began to talk about our children, as J sat there and listened. I would glance over occasionally at him with a look of "Tell her now, I just opened another door!" But no go. But momma and I continued. Her bottom line, as was mine, is that we only want our children to be happy in this life. Be who they are and just be happy.

Now I ask you...Does that sound like a scarey momma to you? I think not! LOL

If only J knew how strong he was...If only he could see what I see... This really is a hard subject. J is nervous about telling the fam. I totally understand! So I will continue to give him all the love and support I can. I will also be his cheerleader, right up to the moment the words burst out of his mouth..."Mom, I'm J!"

Loves.